The Lose Control Podcast

Episiode 8 "My Defects Became My Assets" - Special Guest Amber Frazier

Amber serves as a peer support specialist at a recovery community organization and she serves on the South Carolina Harm Reduction Coalition Political Affairs committee. Harm Reduction is a health centered approach that focuses on public health and safety. Examples of harm reduction we use in everyday life can be a seat belt, hard hat, life jacket, and oxygen. Examples of harm reduction in the community of recovery and for people who use drugs can vary; it includes naloxone, fentanyl and xylazine testing strips, education on safer IV use, providing sterile supplies, and policy change. Harm Reduction is the practice of unconditional love for people who use drugs.

“My drug use began when I was in 8thgrade. I was the quite shy girl and I wanted to fit in. It started with alcohol, cigarettes, inhalants, and drug use games," says Amber. By the time she finished high school she was using everyday. Her dad was a local politician, her mom was going through breast cancer, and this was all in the eye of the public.

“Everything I was experiencing, my community knew about. It wasn’t a pretty divorce. My dad cheated on my mom, I felt abandoned and like I was not good enough for him to stay. I remember the exact moment that my use changed. After my parents sat me down to tell me that they were getting a divorce I went to my friends to process and talk about it, I did not like the way I was feeling so I left. After the news of my parents separation I started misusing my prescription medications and started to drink heavily, and eventually turned to illicit drugs.

In her early 20s she recognized she was “overdoing” her drug use, she says, “For so long I was telling myself I was young, having fun, and everyone was doing it. But everyone was not fighting, getting locked up, suicidal, running their friends over with their cars, yet I couldn’t identify as someone with a substance use disorder because of the way society painted that picture.”

She’s come to realize that this disorder does not discriminate, and recognize she needed to do something different, and decided the solution was to settle down, start a family and do what society expected.

“I ended up in a relationship with someone who shared a substance use disorder and down the line made the switch from stimulants, hallucinogens, and alcohol to opiates. I remember when I first tried an opiate, at the time my partner said it would be cheaper than a bar tab and that made perfect sense to me. We stayed in a relationship with each other for about 5 years and throughout our time together I became fully dependent on my partner. I couldn’t hold a job, I couldn’t pay for our responsibilities, and I couldn’t pay for our habit.”

At the end of her relationship her partner ended up leaving, and Amber was left with financial responsibilities, mental and emotional responsibilities, and a habit that she had to figure out how she was going to support. She introduced Amber to the methadone clinic because it was working for her.

Amber describes more of her journey:

In the beginning of my journey on MAT my intentions were not pure, it was essentially a safe supply. From 2015 to 2017 I was still engaging in stimulants and alcohol but stayed away from opiates. During this time period I was able to gain some things back, mostly my independence. I was working in service industry, which was not a healthy environment for me. At the end of 16 going into 17 I lost my job serving and bartending and went to work for my dad in construction. This gave me the accountability I needed. At the time I was living in a not so good neighborhood in a run down home.

I started my own cleaning business and was able to keep up with my responsibilities. In 2019 I started my mental health journey and was medicated. I moved into my own place by myself and the one friendship I had at the time ended. I was alone in this journey and that was hard. I heard about 12 step recovery before but never really tried it so I thought what the hell, it can go one of two ways; good or bad. It ended up being a good thing for me, I got that sense of community and felt heard and not so alone. I shared with this 12 step community that methadone was helping my recovery process, that did not go over well for me. I was shamed and told my recovery was not valid, that sucked and I felt isolated.  I did find a group of people who didn’t have this misunderstanding and I didn’t feel so alone again. I shared what happened  to me with a member and he asked me, what my intentions were on the medication, to be well or be high? The was profound to me because by that time my intentions were to be well.

I was still harassed and excluded by some members but shut them out, it still made a negative impact on my self worth and self acceptance but I stayed because that’s all that I knew was available and I still got some sense of community. I did always feel like I was an outcast. I stayed in the 12 step community from 2019 to 2023. As my role of peer support developed I came to understand substance use disorder and realized that there are multiple pathways to recovery.”

Today I have a relationship with my family, in my active use I was so angry and sad and did not care for a relationship with my dad. Today the relationship we have is better than it was before. I get to show up for my family, friends, and community. I’m ok with me! I’m ok to advocate for my mental and medical needs. I have a sense of peace and understanding – I’ve learned that things are not so black and white. I get to participate in community events and am part of something bigger than myself – a movement for people who use drugs to be seen and heard! Today I have hard conversations on stigmatizing subjects, I can understand both sides. I’m not afraid to speak up for the unspoken, the “discarded”, mistreated, and overlooked. I’ve turned some of my “defects” into assets, I use them to advocate for others! I’m proud of that!

My most significant achievement is my courage to speak out about my medication assisted treatment, specifically methadone. Something that is widely misunderstood and judged, some of the harshest critics are those in recovery.

Episode 7 "Discipline is My Foundation" - Special Guest Norman Ferris

Norman Ferris born and raised in upstate NY, and even though he considers his childhood a good one, he found himself very self-conscious, and a very sensitive person. Norman was a good athlete in high school and loved working with horses.

“My first drink qualified me as a drunk. Working with horses allowed me to drink. Drinking for oblivion, no rhyme or reason. It's just what I did. Isettled for less in all areas of my life and in time I did not like myself for what I had become, says Norman.”

In this episode Norman tells the story of a huge, unexpected change that came when he was 25 years sober. While he maintains change is a natural part of life and always occurring, this was a realization that transformed his life. Norman keeps the change occurring by being disciplined, which he says if the foundation of his sobriety.

He says, “I get up early, I shower, brush my teeth, eat healthy, wash my clothes make meetings because I hear the language of the heart. When you talk about you, I learn about me.”

Episode 6 "Peace Like No Other" - Special Guest Nansi N.

Nansi is an outgoing person, so her soul that shines through her eyes. Without hearing her story, you would never understand the trials and tribulations she endured to make it to where she is today.

Nansi was in active addiction since she was 16. She started with alcohol, which so many assume is harmless, but that led to cocaine. She soon found herself sacrificing her innocence and chasing the high in trap houses - actively using until she was 47. The last decade consisted of meth and Fentanyl use. She used to live and lived to use. She abandoned her family and ended up alone and close to homeless by the time she found recovery.

In addiction, Nansi lived in the past of what it was like when she was a kid. It’s the only disease that convinces you that you don’t have a disease. It’s cunning, baffling, and powerful. Like too many people, substance use disorder had taken over Nansi’s life – that is, until one day when she found the inner strength to ask for help.

"Thank God for my family. One of the things that breaks my heart is that I was not always there for my family as much as I feel I should have been. I was really being driven by addiction. They supported me through my entire journey. It starts with surrendering. And the first thing in surrendering is asking somebody for help. Whatever that help is. And hopefully you get to a place that can offer the help you need. It’s worth it.”

Episode 5 "The Arrow that Pierced My Ego" - Special Guest Jessie Franklin

Jessie Franklin is a beacon of recovery and resilience. He embodies resilience, compassion and unwavering commitment to recovery. Jessie's journey is one of triumph over adversity, and his purpose lies in guiding others toward healing and hope.

Jessie is a native of Lexington, South Carolina and the youngest of five children. He discovered his passion for sports early on, with basketball capturing his heart. It consumed his adolescent and teenage years, until a life-altering accident exposed him to narcotics, derailing his dreams of playing at the next level.

Surviving an overdose in January 2021 was a pivotal moment for Jessie. It opened his eyes, igniting a desperate willingness to discover his authentic self. Through suffering and self-awareness, he found purpose and resilience. As a father to a 5-year-old boy, Jessie's commitment extends beyond himself. His family members also walk the path of recovery. He draws strength from AA and embraces the principles of "all recovery."

As a Certified Peer Support Specialist, Jessie walks alongside those navigating their own paths to recovery from substance use disorder. His empathy and firsthand experience make him a a beacon of understanding and encouragement. He engages with local high schools as a public speaker, sharing his story and empowering young minds. He actively coaches and mentors young men, guiding them toward healthier, purposeful lives.

Jessie Franklin's story is one of courage, redemption, and unwavering dedication. His impact reverberates through the recovery community, reminding us all that healing is possible, even in the face of adversity.

 

Episode 4 "His Willingness To Walk By Faith" - Special Guest Josh Bone

Josh Bone was born and raised by his grandparents in Dallas, NC. He attended college at UNC Chapel Hill where he studied psychology and creative writing. Working in the bar and service industry, he began to struggle with alcoholism and addiction. After navigating over a decade of active addiction, he celebrates 7 years of sobriety April 27, 2024. He started his career in the recovery field in 2018 as a volunteer. He worked his way up the ranks from group facilitator and case management to successfully operating a large Intensive Outpatient Program and becoming a Certified Alcohol and Drug Counselor 1.

In 2019, Josh launched a campaign to create Anchor of Hope Sober Living through a GoFundMe account. Anchor of Hope Sober Living now consists of 27 sober living homes across the Charlotte and Matthews area in North Carolina serving over 180 residents, both men and women. Josh partnered with Ascend Recovery Centers in July of 2023 to begin the process of bringing quality and affordable care to the underserved population of Charlotte, NC. 

He is the father of 5 year old Lily Bone with a boy, Waylon Bone on the way in May 2024. He and Onalee Medlin currently reside in Charlotte just a few miles of Ascend, NC. Josh has made a life in recovery. From countless detoxes, jails and sober living communities, he is now a shining example of God’s amazing grace and mercy. His willingness to walk by faith is illustrated in the doors God has and continues to open in his recovery. 

Episode 3 "Perception and Mindset" - Special Guest Matty I

This is a "storytelling" episode. You will hear Matty I speaking to a group of recovering addicts and alcoholics. In this 1/2 hour show listen to some of Matty's journey, with a focus on becoming the person you were meant to be and how he has been walking that path. He says, "Never say you can't do it, remember you just haven't done it yet. Become the person who cannot quit, who can say no to a toxic situation as well as remove toxic people from your life. Become the person always moving forward. The hardest step is the first step and it’s meant to make you feel uncomfortable because it takes you to a place that is unknown. With that first step you will in time overcome that fear of failure and that fear of success."

As Wayne Dyer said, "When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."

Episode 2 "What Is Your Perception" - Special Guest Roger Layne

In this conversation, Matty, Chris and Roger share their experiences and insights on overcoming challenges and achieving personal growth through mental toughness and self-improvement. They emphasized the importance of living in the present moment, embracing emotions, and cultivating gratitude. They discuss the role of stoicism and community, and through their stories, offer practical advice and inspiration for those seeking personal growth and recovery.

Episode 1 "I Am Responsible" - Special Guest " Big C"

In this first episode of The Lose Control Podcast, host Matty I and good friend Chris Acciardo talk about some of their moments in life that were the lowest, yet they used those dark days as a means to turn life around. Listen in, we think you may hear your own story in ours.